Because at the end of the day, all you can do is laugh about it.

Hallelujah, both babies are sleeping!  They’ve gone through several different non-napping phases; there was the ‘hey I can crawl which is way more fun than napping, until I get stuck in a corner and royally piss myself off’ phase, to the ‘I can stand and squawk at my brother because we’re planning to take over the world’ phase, and now there is the ‘look mom, no hands!’ phase.  Between all these phases and teething, my sleep has been next to nil.  This was what I posted on my husband’s Facebook page yesterday which I think describes my current state of mind… “If you find me in the fetal position in the sock drawer when you get home don’t disturb me, I will bite you”.  Here is how my day went yesterday:

–          Wake up thirty minutes before alarm, silently curse at the world while flipping off the clock.

–          Pump (not like “woo fist pump!” but rather hooked up like a dairy cow listening to a machine say “tacos…tacos…tacos” over and over).

–          Attempt to get dressed, look beyond thrilled to be awake (thank goodness for makeup otherwise this wouldn’t have been achieved) before 7:30am since that’s the time when the man who is supposed to install the stacking kit for the washer and dryer is to arrive because you know the one time they say “between 7:30am and 1:30pm” is the time they’re actually going to arrive that early…

–          Man doesn’t show at 7:30am…flip off clock again.

–          Furiously pick up the house because let’s face it, I clean better under pressure, before the electrician and building caretaker are due to arrive at 8:30am to finally install lights in our bedroom and closet after having lived in our place now three months.

–          Wash dishes, which includes dumping out the chili leftovers which I pulled out the night before to make room for groceries.

–          Get interrupted while washing dishes to open door for electrician and building caretaker, while waiting for them to arrive in the elevator I look down to discover my brand new white shirt was splattered with chili leftover guts…awesome.

–          Remove all clothes from the walk-in closet so they can mark on the ceiling the locations for the new lights which the building caretaker is to cut openings for.

–          Say goodbye to building caretaker while taking care of a screaming Abram, questioning if his screaming covered up the noises of the saw I assumed he would have needed to open up the ceiling.

–          Leave boys’ room to see electricians round the corner, they explain that they have to wait for building caretaker to cut holes before they can do anything more, which will probably another 2-3 weeks.

–          Smile and nod while screaming obscenities inside my head.

–          Change out of my new chili covered shirt.

–          Hang all the clothes back up in the closet.

–          Feed boys breakfast and take comfort in Liam’s “mmmm’s” to eating yogurt while avoiding the fact that Abram has decided yogurt is the next big hair fashion statement.

–          Attempt to lay boys down for a nap…boys decide they’d rather work more on their plan for taking over the world.

–          Microwave my lunch while putting crockpot dinner together.  Final ingredient calls for soda, open 2 liter and have it explode on everything within a five foot radius.

–          Rest my head on my soda covered arms on the countertop while debating if shaking the rest of the soda like it were champagne and I had just won the Super Bowl would make me feel better.

–          Change shirt again, along with new pair of socks.

–          Clean up soda covered kitchen.

–          Boys are still plotting.

–          Eat frozen lasagna meal like a cavewoman because the bottom noddle is harder than leather rendering all utensils useless.

–          12:45, man with stacking kit finally shows up right as I finish lunch.

–          Open elevator door for him to discover he has no stacking kit and was there to perform maintenance on the washer/dryer.

–          He makes calls and leaves after making an appointment with me to return the next day to install the kit.

–          Look at self in mirror and notice my cavewoman act has left pasta sauce all over my face…awesome…

–         Fetch crying Abram from crib since Liam decided he had enough plotting and was okay with taking a nap.

–          Feed and change Abram, attempt to lay him back down.

–          Take shower while they are “sleeping”.

–          Exit shower early because Abram is screaming, which wakes up Liam.

–          Sit in the boys’ room forever because that seems to make Abram happy.

–          Attempt to leave, very bad idea.

–          Send Sean texts along the lines of “momma needs a break before she breaks something”.

–          Feed Abram more, change again…lay back down.

–          He sleeps for all of 20 minutes before waking up chipper (aka cranky) as can be. (See example A below)

Example A

Example A

–          Sean finally comes home.

–          Go through dinner, bath, and bedtime routine with boys.

–          Go to bed early.

–          Sean attempts to be playful in bed by tickling me through the hole in the armpit of my overly loved t-shirt.

–          Flop away from his attempts like a fish out of water thus ripping the hole an additional five inches.

–          Laugh like a hyena because after the day I had, that’s pretty damn funny.


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