A Bit Much?

Sean and I are actually going out this Saturday without the babies!  It will be the second time since moving here, the first time was thanks to Sean’s lovely coworker and his dashing wife.  I had full confidence in their ability to wrangle in the Minis but now…I have to put my confidence in…a teenager (*GASP*)! It’s only Wednesday and I am already working on the instructions for the babysitter. Oiy.

Instructions to ensure you see tomorrow (if you skip any instructions…go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $$$…comprende?)

  1. Before dinner the boys enjoy romping around in their walkers, which are dangerous…for you.  Watch your toes, shins, ankles…well pretty much anything below the knee because those things will cause bodily harm when traveling at high speeds.  I recommend a pair of shin guards, and maybe even a helmet in the off-chance you dare to sit on the floor while they run amuck.
  2. The boys’ dinner is laid out on the counter.  Split it evenly between the two.  Liam eats most anything, particularly if Abram hands it to him.  During dinner you will probably be introduced to ‘Go-Go-Gadget’ (a cartoon way before your time, Google it if need be as I am sure you have a smart phone for such necessary acts) foot, which most likely will be their right foot. Don’t attempt to contain ‘Go-Go-Gadget’ foot, because well…there is no containing it.  Eventually they will chew more on their toes than their food which is a sign that they are done eating.
    Example of 'Go-Go-Gadget' feet. Abram's foot is not as obvious with the wonky sock half off in a failed attempt to pull it off.

    Example of ‘Go-Go-Gadget’ feet. Abram’s foot is not as obvious with the wonky sock half off in a failed attempt to pull it off.

  3. After dinner clean the boys’ hands, faces, ears, hair, and whatever other body parts may have ended up with dinner remnants.  It may be wise to check up Abram’s nose, he’s discovered the art of shoving his finger up his nose.  Don’t worry, he will stop before he reaches his brain. He hates being cleaned up and will bite the heck out of the paper towel while throwing an absolute fit. Liam thinks it’s a game and will attempt to lick the paper towel.
    At least he's ambidextrous right?!?

    At least he’s ambidextrous right?!?

  4. Let them play in their room while you clean up their highchairs. If you don’t find any food in the seats, check all the small crevices.  You will be amazed how many carrots can be shoved in a screw hole… If you hear muffled crying while you’re cleaning up, it’s most likely Liam…in the closet.  No matter how many times Abram shuts him in there he still insists on crawling in if they manage to get the door open.
  5. Get the boys dressed for bed time.  I have laid out two pairs of PJs and if you hold them up in front of the boys they will pick which pair they want to wear for the night.  Most of the time, Abram choses to poop immediately after putting him in a clean diaper, convenient huh?  Anyway, if you see him crawl behind the rocking chair and hear random grunting noise…congratulations, you get to change his diaper again.
  6. Brush their teeth before laying them down for the night.  I recommend brushing Abram’s first.  Use the two finger brushes and toothpaste on the bathroom counter, however, when brushing Abram’s teeth DO NOT stick your finger inside of the finger brush unless you enjoy being bit.  Abram hates having his teeth brushed and will take out his frustration on your finger.  Liam on the other hand, loves having his teeth brushed and would gladly let you brush away for hours on end.  Yeah, he’s kind of strange that way.
  7. Lay the boys down for bed.  Liam likes to sleep with a pacifier which is typically hiding under a mound of toys or in the clothes hamper (no, I don’t know why he enjoys tossing it in there).  Hunt it down and give it to him before laying him down, unless you enjoy having a kiddo standing up against the crib rail while waving hand gestures to match his muddled vocals.  If you do then be my guest…  Abram NEEDS his lovey to sleep.  His is the blue one with the rattling monkey head.  Upon giving it to him he will let out a happy little giggle, nom on the monkey’s nose, and then shove his thumb in his mouth.  Always in that order, it never fails.  Be warned though, if you forget his lovey, oh my lawd will he let you know!

Congratulations! You have successfully made it through the night with the Minis! Want to peak in on them to make sure they’re still alive and well?  I have left the video monitor on the table for that purpose.  I really do recommend peaking in on them, because A. they sleep with their bums in the air and that’s pretty darn cute, and B. I may or may not be peaking in on you too so we might as well have a giant peaking fest together! Cheers!!!

P.S. Are you available next weekend? 🙂

Okay…so I may need to revamp the instructions but honestly though, I’m irrationally terrified of a teenager, whom I’ve only met once, taking care of my most cherished possessions (Calling them possessions seems kind of weird, I guess I do technically ‘own’ them until they are 18.  Oh sweet baby Jesus they are going to be 18 someday! ACK!).


4 responses to “A Bit Much?

    • Lol @ “the first conquest of the minis”! I’m sure they will be fine and will probably enjoy the change, I just hope they (or I) don’t scare her away!

  1. Enjoy your date and hopefully the sitter walks away unscathed. Your instructions are hilarious. The first time I left my son with a teenager I was nervous. While they do okay, I find they seem to lack the mama common sense — so it’s best to be very specific with them. For example, if she ever sits during the day, make sure she knows that jackets are good for outside if it’s cold (and pull them out for her). Then there’s also the whole, maybe it’s not such a good idea to take the kids outside after 5pm because a) it’s cold and b) it’s dinner time… You know things that make sense to you aren’t always top of mind for them. Otherwise, they’re great and LOVE the little munchkins.

    • Our night was awesome! Improv comedy shows are the best, especially when you know the comedians and get to share a few drinks with them after the show. You’re right about the ‘mama common sense’ instructions. I’m thinking neither boy was changed right before bed so they were both soaking wet. Maybe they were changed and just both wet a lot…? Hard to know.

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