Meeting My Maker

It’s just after 9:30 in the morning here as I start to type this, and it was around an hour-and-a-half ago that I mentally began demanding a redo on the day.  Although, I have to admit, there have been a few of these types of mornings as of recently.  You know the type…where you set down your cold, untouched coffee as time lapses in reverse pleasantly drift through your head until the moment that your subconscious self slithers back into bed.  As sad as it is, I have had several of those subconscious slithering moments already this morning and I’m sure I’ll continue to have them (just as I hear crashing noises and giggles coming from the top of boys’ book shelf (and don’t go into a hissy about me not watching my kids…I can see them plain as day from my desk as I am typing, and their bookshelf is actually more like a cubby shelf which is only two cubes tall and therefore reaches my knees).

My first moment of “Oh sweet baby jeebus, please let this be a dream!” happened just as I was getting out of the shower.  Liam typically wakes up before Abram and I, being the ever lazy mom, wait until Abram wakes up before busting into their room like I’m Clark Kent entering a telephone booth in desperate need of a costume change.  Ta dah! Mom to the rescue! This morning as Sean left for work and overhearing Liam serenade Teddy with a round of “The Wheels On The Bus, Pat-a-cake, Itsy-bitsy Spider”, I’d decided that considering I had two little boys to take to get hair cuts later in the day that it was best I take a shower and get ready for the day now instead of at nap time (because who honestly changes out of their PJs before 11am given the opportunity?).  Bad…bad, bad idea.

Exiting my hasty shower I hear that Liam is shouting garbled expressions of furry.  Thinking Teddy must have asked him to stop his early morning serenade, I continue to go about getting dressed when I hear a “KA THUNK” come from somewhere in the house.  Getting dressed in the most flustered haphazard array of clean and dirty clothes I could find within five feet, all the while internally freaking out because the scufflings from somewhere are coming closer, I decide if I’m meeting my maker today then a bra isn’t necessary and proceed to meet the scuffling creator head on.  Turns out my “maker” comes in the form of a two foot tall, drooling beast in dire need of a haircut.  This is the second time this week that Abram has taken matters into his own hands and escaped the confinement of his crib/bedroom.  Mommy freedom is over as I know it.

And the “KA THUNK”…was Abram doing what he does best, getting into the pantry where all the goodies are held.  It was like a scene out of “Benjamin Button”.  I come around the corner of the kitchen to find that Abram had grown a hefty white and reddish five o’clock shadow that would rival a well aged man.  Making up the distance between myself and my miniature man in long strides I notice what Abram is holding and then realize that my bare feet are becoming suspiciously sticky.  Abram had discovered the mixture of sugar and cinnamon that I was keeping thanks to overestimating how much of the yummy concoction I would need when making breakfast two days prior.  Apparently Abram takes after an anteater and would rather use his tongue to acquire his nutrition, but when you have a short tongue and you’ve been drooling, it comes away with the five o’clock shadow effect.

This all comes just two days before my husband is due to leave on another of his “work vacations” (and he returns bright and early from the States the morning of the boys’ second birthday party…how convenient).  Now all I want to do is go hide under a rock, coming to the realization that I will be dealing with two toddlers transitioning to big boy beds alone.  Blargh…

And because no blog post should go without a picture…here is Liam helping me prep a set for a photo session, with a teddy bear, but not the “Teddy”.

He is really going to dislike me some day when I pull out these photos to show all of his friends.

He is really going to dislike me some day when I pull out these photos to show all of his friends.


3 responses to “Meeting My Maker

  1. Oh my goodness! More parenting almost-horror stories. I know they’re worth it, though, and you’re doing a great job. And who cares if they like the photos when they’re older. The picture of Liam is great!!

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